The Third Pig Detective Agency

January 25, 2008

Surveillance: A User’s Guide

Filed under: humour — thirdpig @ 3:16 pm

In my line of work I get to spend many exciting hours sitting in a car watching someone’s house for signs of activity (usually of the illegal variety).  As a result I’ve worked out the most important things do do when on a stake out.  Follow these simple tips and you’ll never go wrong,

1.  Always use the bathroom before you begin! 

This is vitally important.  Being short-taken when on a stake-out is a bad thing – and if you do manage to find a good spot to relieve yourself, chances are it will be just at that exact time your subject decides to leave the house.  Result:  hours of boring waiting wasted

2.  Never drink large amounts of liquid before commencing stake-out. 

See 1 above

3.  Always remember to pack your tools of the trade before setting out. 

This includes:  cameras, binoculars, a recording device and a recent copy of FPM (For Pigs Magazine) – to while away the time.

4.  Know where you are going.

Many hours can be wasted trying to find where you’re subject is living.  Check it out on a map first and make sure that you’ve got the right (for example) Jack B. Nimble.  It can be particularly galling and somewhat frustrating to find after hours of waiting and watching intently that you’ve parked in front of his father’s house by mistake – not that that has ever happened to me of course.  Nope.  Nosiree.

5.  Never ever go on a stakeout with someone who has an excessive flatulence problem.

Self explanatory.  Trust me, even with the windows down it makes for a very unpleasant experience.

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January 16, 2008

He’s Back. Oh Yes, He’s Back.

Filed under: humour,Irishblogs — thirdpig @ 5:40 pm

Yes, I know it’s been a while but it’s amazing how little you can get done when you don’t have access to the interweb thingy. I’ve been without for a few months now and, although it hasn’t impacted the detecting side of the business, I know you’ve been missing my missives from Grimmtown.

Rest assured, The Third Pig Detective Agency has just had its brand spanking new broadband connection installed so fret no more, my legion of fan. As of now, updates will be so plentiful you’ll never be able to say how much you miss my words of wisdom ever again.

And speaking of words of wisdom, I thought it was about time that I imparted to you some of the useful detecting tips that I’ve picked up over the years so, coming in a few days, I will be giving you Harry Pigg’s Potted Guide To Surveillance and Stakeouts.

You can’t afford to miss it.

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